It happened again.
Another binge episode that lead into weeks of not working out that lead into more binge episodes and I fooled myself into believing that I was just happy and comfortable in my “new” skin.
But as I sit here I must admit that I'm holding back a couple of tears as I look at the picture on the left.
That picture was taken on one of the most amazing nights of my life. A night where I got to speak to almost 300 women and tell them what God had done in my life, how even though the enemy tried to ruin me, God was using me for His glory 🙌🏻 I know the enemy was defeated that night as women found hope that they, too can overcome the hard stuff in life.
Someone posted this picture from that night.
I WANTED TO CRY 😭
Like why would someone do that? First of all, you ask ALLLLL involved in a group photo before you ever post it, right? Maybe we need some social media etiquette here 😜 but seriously I wanted to die. First, I told myself, it’s a bad angle, you don’t really look like that, and then, just like you do, I began to hate on myself. All the words I would never say to anyone else started pouring from me. You’re fat, I can’t believe you walked on stage in front of people like that. You know everyone is talking about how much weight you’ve gained....
Then God got my attention quickly. He told me that I HAD to accept this girl, right here and right now. I had to love her and embrace her. I had to stop comparing her to the her of 2 years ago when she was 40lbs lighter.
This is hard to write. It’s hard to admit to myself, let alone share with you, but I respect vulnerability and want you to embrace yourself and learn to love YOU too.
Because here’s the thing.
I see the girl on the left and I see a girl who passes a mirror and never looks at her reflection.
I see someone who was once confident, outgoing, funny and entertaining but is now someone who would rather just STAY IN because she has nothing to wear out.
I see someone who is allowing her weight and body image to dictate how she talks to and treats herself.
It breaks my heart.
So it had to stop. I had to start LOVING me again. Not at 128 lbs, not at 19% body fat, but right where I am.
That’s the breakthrough this time.
God says, “how do I see you?” Because I looked at that picture and I was proud of you ❤️ you looked beautiful to me. Oh! If we could only see ourselves through the eyes of Christ!
I know so many women STRUGGLE. You struggle with a negative mindset about who you are, what you look like and you feel as if you aren't worthy.
If you are in this place now, I feel your pain. I promise you, it's not selfish, it's not vain, it's NOT about the looks. It's about your life! Girl! I know how badly you want to break free from all of it and to stop hating on yourself!
Bear with me a moment....
In February when this was taken I decided that I was sick of NOT being confident.
We talk to ourselves negatively, we hate on ourselves, we don't feel as if we are worthy of love, and we are our own worst critic.
I had to. Enough was enough.
It was ruining my life.
I made a commitment to God that I would speak nothing but LIFE over myself and say nothing but positive comments about pictures taken, clothes I would try on, healthy food I would eat, exercise programs I would try!! All positive. And something clicked guys!
Here's the thing, girl! We are wired to be loved. That includes ourselves! So listen up! When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to.
We fall apart.
We hurt others.
Every second that we spend on doubting our worth, every moment that we use to criticize ourselves is a moment of our life thrown away. It's not like we have forever, so let's not waste any of our seconds on hating on ourselves!
I was able to make a change. A SLOW change.
BUT>>>The mental change, the one about loving myself, had to come FIRST!
If you don't love yourself NOW, what makes you think you will love yourself when you're 40lbs lighter?
It's not about the weight. It's about your confidence, your mental state, how you feel emotionally, your energy, your strength, your self esteem, what you see when you look in the mirror, ALL of these are the transformations that you can't physically see!
This, my friends, is where REAL CHANGE occurs.
Get your mind right, LOVE YOURSELF NOW, and you will reach ANY goal you have!
There’s 20lbs difference in these pictures in 12 weeks. It seems like it’s taken 12 years. It’s been the hardest physical transformation ever, as far as losing weight. But, I’m doing it!
YOU can too!
YOU are worth it!
Oh, and I swear just by telling God I would start being nice to myself and see me as he does, I got cuter! I did y’all!!
Try it. See what transformation happens!