I always thought the belief that one’s life flashes before his or her eyes right before death was exaggerated - that is, until I sat in the front seat of my friends car as she was driving me home from what I would call a mental breakdown. As I sat in her car, reality hit, the consequences to what I had done started to fall and for the first time I realized that this was rock bottom -- and I couldn't breathe. A tornado of thoughts, worries, memories, all swirled across my mind.
Then I had to come home to my husband's distraught face and answer questions. At first his questions were just a series of one word questions. When? What? And of course the all-time favorite question asked by thousands when thrown into unwanted circumstances: Why? But then, as I thought the questions would progress to more in-depth ones with complete desire for every, little detail, they did NOT.
Read that again.
He did NOT want to know any details. He had no further questions. He made a decision that forgiveness was in order and to forgive he had to move on. To move on he had to stop re-living this nightmare by asking questions and receiving details.
He knows that I will openly share and answer any question that he asks, he deserves that from me for the rest of my life. He also knows that receiving my answer won't draw us closer as a couple or closer to the Lord, and that's the ultimate goal here.
When we start down the “asking questions” path, it almost always comes from a place of fear within us. Our hearts start beating faster, and we literally don’t have the physical or mental strength to stop moving forward in our quest for answers. Because of this, we have to stop asking questions. Or it just might kill us.
With or without infidelity, when curiosity gets the best of us and we want to ask our spouse a question, ask these two questions first: #1. Why do I need to know this and #2. Will the answer help me heal? More times than not, asking the question and receiving an answer will only hurt us more. Sometimes a question is worth asking but my experience tells me that those cases are rare.
We also determined very early on to not bring up the past. It was just that. The past. The only time we discuss the past is to thank God He brought us out from it, or to share it with others to give them a hope for the future. Not once has John thrown it up in my face, he's shown true forgiveness. I've witnessed what it truly means to show someone that you love them and forgive them and my life has been forever changed because of it. I'll talk more on forgiveness another time, just know that I've learned so much about forgiveness from my husband.
I Peter 5:7 says Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares for you (NLT). When we are faced with fears in our marriage and are tempted to ask questions that will only harm our marriage, we must bring those fears to the feet of Jesus.
What questions do you need to stop asking in your marriage? Is there anything from the past that you need to leave in the past and not bring up again? Lay it at the feet of Jesus.
Lord, help me to bring all my questions to you. You tell me in your word that I can bring all my worries and cares to you. I know that you care for me, help me to rest in your promises. Amen.