You never forget the day that changes your life forever. The day that turns your heart and your family upside down. Our day was on May 8, 2014.
It was a normal day, I was tanning and heard my phone vibrate asking if we had cancelled a hotel charge for an earlier weekend trip we had planned, then cancelled. You see, I wasn't used to my husband checking on our finances so my heart instantly sank. I KNEW then what this conversation was about. This hotel charge wasn't something that was an oversight, this was a charge of an infidelity that had been going on for 6 long years.
My mind began to spin with anticipation of what might come out of John's mouth as I didn't hesitate to tell the truth this time. So many lies over the last 6 years, longer actually. I drove home to a man devastated that his wife had been unfaithful yet again.
To this point, our marriage has been full of secrets, pain and disappointments. I'm sure on that ride home he was waiting for me to come home and apologize, and that I did, but I had to hurt him more first. I had to get it all out. Instead of reassuring him that all was going to be okay, I had to tell my truth. Instead of words of comfort, I had to tell this man I loved that I had been unfaithful to him. Many different times, men, and places over the past 6 years of our marriage. This was hard y'all.
I had to share news that would alter the course of our lives in unimaginable ways. Even when he knew the partial truth, I had to release the full truth.
He trembled from his head to his feet as his mind went crazy with disbelief. The very real physical pain of his heart breaking took him by surprise. His eyes were tender, and I could tell he was devastated. As the reality set in of the damage that I had done, we both began to cry.
He felt betrayed. These were the darkest times of our lives, and no matter how badly you wish that they wouldn't come, tough times come in your marriage. Maybe you can relate to our situation. Maybe not. Maybe you will in the future. Maybe you just aren't living the full and abundant marriage that God intended you to live. Sometimes we literally FEEL the destruction, the devastation, we see the walls that have fallen down with such force that we can't breathe beneath the pressure of it all.
Know that we are here to walk with you throughout your journey. We've been in that hard place and now live to tell about it from the other side. We serve a good God, even in times that don't seem good. It's in that brokenness that God restored us to where we are today, a BETTER marriage, more VIBRANT marriage than we had before. So many times we just can't simply recognize that God really is working out all that bad for the good in our lives.
Hold on to your belief in redemption. We kept ours. Please keep yours as we walk together toward healing.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
I had to rest in this verse so many days, and still do. Today meditate on this, knowing that if you are in Christ, you have been made NEW, hallelujah! The old has gone, and the new has come. This is why our Savior went to the cross. This is why He bled and died. For our sins, for us...because He knew we would need Him completely! So completely rest in Him and allow Him to remake you...He's waiting for you.
Father, remake me, I'm yours and ready for the new to come. Create in me a heart that craves the new. Amen.